Can Purell be used as lube?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
