Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
