I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Randomize
