he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
