I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
