if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
