we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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