I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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