do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We are two peas in an std pod
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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