Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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