we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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