I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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