I can text with my tongue
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
