adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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