I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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