Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
