so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
