Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
this will be a night to untag.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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