What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
