Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
