You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
