I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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