God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
