who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
