It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
from now on my penis is your penis
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She swung at the pinata with crutches
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
