he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
