Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
