dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
