I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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