billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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