shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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