omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
