he thought i was a dude.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So much Jack, so little girl.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
