you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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