i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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