the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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