there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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