i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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