It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
