I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
