Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
