pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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