dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
