If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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