So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
