hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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