The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
