Swine flu. Run for my life!
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
