No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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