She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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