I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
ttyl tear gas
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
