I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
