I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
