I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
