i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
