It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
