what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
