i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
