you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
