So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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