If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
