is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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