so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
