4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
