just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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