Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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