hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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