what if every blade of grass was a penis?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize