you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
