Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
