How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
