I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you win again, gameday.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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