You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize