I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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