Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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