just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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