Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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