put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
