I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We have so much sex to catch up on
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Randomize
