I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
