Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
