Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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