Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
