the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
