I think i sorta joined a cult last night
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
whose ass print is on the piano?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
