He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
