Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
