My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
