Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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