In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize