hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I want her autograph on my taint
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
