Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I want a musical about memes.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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