apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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