Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
