at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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