im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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