So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
