she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
