Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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