my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
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