She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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