Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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